1. Have I read anything you've written? Lets start with the obvious, unless you have good taste in literature I would probably say no. But then if you have you not read anything at all, I don't think you have. Stop wasting my time and pick up my book.
2. How much money do you make? That's plain rude. It is one thing to ask a CEO how much money he makes and completely different for a writer. Remember writing is a job like others.
3. Where do you get your ideas? I have a magical crystal ball that churns out ideas every-time I want. See this is kind of stupidity is why we writers write. There is no extra organs in my body that churn out ideas nor do I have a shrine dedicated to getting ideas. So where do I get my ideas from? I take that as a compliment, stop staring.
4. Will you write my great story idea or If you help me write my life story, I'll split the income with you after we sell the book? Unless you are Shahrukh Khan, the chances that anyone will pay for (and more importantly, pay me) for your life story are thin. You may have this awesome life about going about by your routine, doing routine things but unless you convince your own mother that what you doing is worth spreading, don't come to me.
5. I'm going to write a book someday when I have time. This is the most common sentence you hear as a writer. If I get a penny for every-time someone says this, I will be richer than Bill Gates. Essentially the person means two things, one, I am entirely jobless and have plenty of time to write a book or two, the task is so menial that anyone can do it. So let me break the bubble for you, if you are not already writing, the chances that you are going to ever write are marginal. Statistically many people never get past just talking about writing. Those who actually start never finish it and even if they do finish it, they will end it at that.
6.How long does it take to write a book? The maths somewhere is, the amount of time it takes for you to reach orgasm multiplied by the number of days it takes for you to build starship galactica plus one. Basically bull-crap, writing a book is not a manufacturing thing were you have an assembly line and you have product and workers. Its a haphazard process and no fix time involved. Of-course if you stop wasting my time, it will be sooner.
7. Do you have e-book for your book? When are you sending me free copy of your book? Ouch. I am so grateful for you to ask. I am so desperate to seek approval, your highness, that I will give give away free copies of my book, that took me a year to write, for you to read and give me a one line of comment on it. Well played. If you have not already received a free copy of my book, your opinions do not matter to me.
8. You should write on XYZ topic. I like reading about that That you for your suggestion but no thank you, while I appreciate the knowledge of what you would like to read, but I will write what I feel like writing. That being said, if there is something popular worth writing, I will choose it whenever I wish. You could give it a try.
9. Has your book been made into a movie yet? Yep and a flying pig just popped out of nowhere to delivered the fat cheque for that. This question seriously implies that you are too lazy to read and you would want to watch the film instead of the book. I don't have a clever response for it yet.
10. You must be rich Ha ha ha ha. Ha. The last Ha is a snort. Yes I am rich in creative ideas. Lets leave it at that.